


don't give up on the dream, don't give up on the wanting

by jenstraflintlocked



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 02:16:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29464122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenstraflintlocked/pseuds/jenstraflintlocked
Summary: Su looking back on her 50th birthday
Relationships: Lin Beifong & Suyin Beifong, Suyin Beifong & Kuvira
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	don't give up on the dream, don't give up on the wanting

**Author's Note:**

> I had ideas, I started writing, did two sprints which became a mild marathon, boom.

Su strolled around the main dome of Zaofu, watching the preparations for her 50th birthday party. Wing and Wei were helping construct marquees for the outside part, her dancers were setting up the dance hall for the evening dances and entertainment. Apparently they’d been working on something new. She was trying to be excited about it. It was the first dance performance they’d given in over four years, a celebration not only of the matriarch’s birthday but the completion of the rebuilding of Zaofu. The domes hadn’t taken much work to reassemble, once they’d been able to buy in the metal but devastation on the fields wrought by Kuvira’s army marching over them had taken longer to return to a state where they could be cultivated again.

She remembered her 40th birthday party. They’d just finished construction on the new dome, and it’d been more a celebration of that achievement then the fact it was her birthday. Her children had all been old enough to enjoy the party. She’d felt a certain…completion to her life; she’d looked around at her family, her friends, the clan and thought it was all she could ever wish for. Her mother hadn’t come, but she knew her mother was out there and they’d long since reconciled. Her mother had even lived in Zaofu with her for a while, proud of her daughter’s achievements.

_“An entire clan of metal benders.” Toph had gazed around them. “I couldn’t have imagined it when I first bust my way out of that metal box, during all those years teaching those buttheads at the academy and trying to make the police force work. But this?” She’d waved a hand vaguely in the air and then nodded. She hadn’t said anything more, she hadn’t needed to. Su felt Toph’s pride in her and it filled her up._

But that was then, and this was now and Su wasn’t so sure anymore. The past five years had seen her most trusted advisor work to kidnap the Avatar, had seen the captain of her guard betray her and wage war upon the entire clan, had seen her own son leave in a cloud of anger and bitterness and return as a criminal under house arrest. Although she’d managed to work out that he would be able to attend the private birthday dinner with the rest of the family, as he had been having dinner with them, albeit somewhat awkwardly for the past two years. She’d hadn’t bothered to ask Kuvira; the young woman would say no, both of them painfully aware that it was really only Su who had wanted her to return.

She looked on her reconciliation with Lin as a bright spot, but the rebuilding of their relationship felt at times a patch job on something hastily built, rather than a genuine construction of something new. She’d only visited Lin a few times in Republic City and Lin had never returned to Zaofu after the first time, except to rescue Su, which she didn’t count as an acutal visit. Even their calls had been brief catch ups, check ins. She’d tried to excuse it with the fact that they were both busy, but it couldn’t change the fact that she still didn’t know anything about her sister. Her hope of regaining something of their childhood relationship seemed to be fading with each passing year.

She’d sent the invitations out months ago, in the hope that it would give the people she was inviting who didn’t live in Zaofu time to organise transport, time off work, childcare and the myriad of other things she suspected Lin might use as an excuse not to come. And she’d received confirmation from most everyone. Opal was coming with Bolin, Korra and Asami had promised they’d show up, if not for the dinner than for the evening party. Even Toph had said she’d come for dinner, ‘if that chef of yours doesn’t cook anything too weird’. Lin had merely said, in their next call when Su had asked her, that she couldn’t promise anything, that she was Chief of Police and if she was needed in Republic City then she wouldn’t be able to come.

Su sighed as she returned to her quarters to bathe and dress ready for the dinner. She hadn’t bothered to fight that excuse, even if she had thought at the time that Lin was worse than their mother had been, when it came to having a work/life balance. She paused as she looked in the mirror to check her circlet was straight. She wondered what her mother had felt at 50. Or perhaps later at 55, a year after she’d had to banish her own daughter. Was that why she’d retired? Like Lin had thought? Su couldn’t really imagine so. From her own conversations with her mother, Toph had been fed up with the continuous battle of keeping down crime, and Su’s dabble with it had given her an easy get out.

Su attached her metal necklace and gauntlets. How had Lin felt at 50? Before Korra had showed up, before Mako joined the police, before she’d started getting along with Tenzin again. Had her sister had any friends? Any party? Had she even marked it at all? Or had it just been another day at work and going home alone. Su’s heart dropped at the thought and she wished once more that they’d made up earlier.

Well at least Lin’s 55th had been a cheerful affair, Su consoled herself. A small gathering on Air Temple Island. Mako and Korra had made Lin take the day off for it, Korra filling in as Chief of Police for the day, under Mako’s guidance. Su grinned to herself as she remembered Lin and Kya leaving early, claiming Lin was exhausted from the noise and so many people, despite the fact it was only Su’s and Tenzin’s family. Those two had never officially said anything but if it was a secret, it was the worst kept one in the entire Earth Kingdom. Su was looking forward to Lin’s 60th, the important one. Perhaps Lin and Kya would be married by then. Kya would certainly make sure it was a grand affair, hers having fallen during the tumult of the Earth Kingdom.

The dinner had been excellent as always and she was now in the dance hall, watching the troupe perform, trying not to dwell on the fact that this was the first performance that Kuvira was not involved in, since she’d joined as a young child. The troupe still danced well, in the same way that the guard still patrolled and kept Zaofu safe. But Su had enjoyed watching the angry young girl flourish into a decisive and, what she’d thought had been, a happy young woman. She’d had no idea of any of the bitterness that Kuvira had felt, any more than she had of the resentment of her son. She’d seen Kuvira as a good candidate to take her place one day, as much as her husband had seen a worthy successor to his plans in his son. Whereas apparently they’d only seen it as living in their shadows, unable to make their own mark. She shook her head. Meaningless to dwell on it; Kuvira, or her son, returning to any role was an impossibility.

But the thought brought back a question, who would take Su’s place now, if and when the Matriarch ever stepped down. She watched as the equipment the dancers had used was packed away and the hall converted to a more sedate dance hall, contemplating it. She knew no-one with what she considered to be natural leadership abilities. The Earth Kingdom, under the rule of King Wu, was heading towards democracy. Several states had held elections now. Perhaps Zaofu’s leadership should be decided the same way. Kuvira had always praised Zaofu as a bastion of progress; now it was possible they were falling behind. She remembered her words when Korra had come to find Opal. _‘The world is evolving, and the Earth Queen can evolve with it or step aside.’_

The problem was Su couldn’t imagine what she’d do if she wasn’t the leader. Dancing wasn’t enough to fill her time. She wasn’t about to go live in a swamp like her mother. Zaofu had been her home for the past thirty years. Bataar had helped build it and it wasn’t likely he’d wanted to leave either. But the thought of living under someone else’s rule made her shudder. The past few years had stolen her ability to trust easily. The betrayal of Aiwei, followed so soon by her own son and Kuvira; it had even been hard to swallow the fact that the people of Zaofu had just…knelt before Kuvira. She couldn’t blame them; they wouldn’t have stood a chance against Kuvira’s army. But it left Su with a feeling that this was not a clan anymore, of which she was matriarch, merely a group of people she couldn’t even be sure shared her values, over which she was an unelected ruler.

She stared at the groups of people chatting at the side, the dancers swirling gracefully in the centre, or in the case of Wing and Wei, clearing a small space on the floor with their wild and energetic movements. The party was in full swing now and still Lin hadn’t arrived. Clearly something had happened if she hadn’t even phoned to apologise for not coming. The feeling of strange disconnection grew, and she slipped out through the side door, walking until she reached the pavilion in the garden of the meteorites, her favoured thinking spot. She stood, staring out and then, with a sigh, sat down on the cool stone step.

She’d always considered herself confident and decisive, even if those decisions hadn’t always been the wisest. But now small kernels of doubt were smouldering inside her mind. Her vision of the future of Zaofu lacked clarity. How were they going to operate within the new structure of the Earth Kingdom? Would they become separate? Should they expand? Rebuild and repurpose? Should they dissolve the entire state and spread out across the Earth Kingdom, teaching metal bending? She had no idea and it exhausted her trying to think about it. The pain of Kuvira’s betrayal struck her anew; the young woman might’ve been able to come up with some innovative ideas on how Zaofu could navigate the current situation, if she hadn’t been the cause of it.

Su had told Korra that it was the meeting that had driven the rift between her and Kuvira, but perhaps, she reflected, it went back further than that. It wasn’t something she could ask about; the days of any confidence were gone. Su rested her head on her forearms, ignoring the metal digging into her skin. If it’d taken thirty years to patch things up with her own sister, she dreaded how long it would take to rebuild a relationship with Kuvira, if the young woman even wanted one. And clearly the success of the patching up hadn’t been that great, if Lin wasn’t even here on Su’s birthday.

She’d founded Zaofu because she’d wanted a family. And she’d made one, out of those who seemed lost in their life, or who’d been cast out, unwelcome in their own home, by their own family, by those with nowhere else to go, who needed another chance. It was the value that had made her fight to bring Bataar Jr back to Zaofu, even Kuvira, once the young woman had acknowledged the significant harm and damage she’d done. Kuvira had laughed when she’d first arrived back in Zaofu, when Su had said ‘welcome home’. It had surprised Su, who hadn’t thought the occasion warranted levity and she’d challenged Kuvira on it. Her response had made Su’s heart sink through the floor.

_‘Well, this is home but it’s also my prison, right?’ She’d shrugged, given an arrogant smirk reminiscent of those of the Great Uniter. ‘Not that that’s anything new.’_

Su felt a tear drip down her cheek. Kuvira hadn’t said anything more and whenever Su visited her, she was excruciatingly polite and formal. Su found herself thinking fondly of Lin showing up and knocking chairs over and trying to beat her up. At least it spoke of a connection still there.

There was a clattering noise, and someone knocked into her from behind. She reacted instinctively, grabbing blindly over her shoulder. She managed to grasp a handful of material and ducked her head, using her bodyweight to throw whoever it was down the pavilion steps. She didn’t get a chance to stand up and see who it was before the ground was bent out from underneath her and she tumbled down into a pillar, the force knocking the meteorite off and into her lap.

“Well I suppose that isn’t breaking our agreement, if I show up at your house and _you_ attack _me_.” Lin grunted as she picked herself up. “I didn’t mean to knock into you like that. Just so you know. Not used to running in these shoes.” She scowled at the smart footwear she had on and tugged them off, throwing them away with a sigh of relief as she stretched her feet out on the stone floor of the garden. “Uh. Sorry I’m late.” She apologised belatedly as she looked down at Su.

Su realised what Lin was staring awkwardly at her for and hastily rubbed at her eyes with the heels of her hand before scrambling up to replace the meteorite on its pillar. “Oh. It’s fine.”

“Y’know, even on my 50th I didn’t end up crying by myself in a corner.” Lin folded her arms and raised an eyebrow.

“What did you do instead?” Su asked, out of curiosity and also to distract her sister from that line of questioning.

“All the squad at Headquarters organised a do.” Lin said it casually but Su could see what it had meant to her. “Guess they like me more than I thought.”

“They’re _your_ metal clan.” 

“Well, I trained most of ‘em. Maybe not to be dancers or great benders or…” she waved a hand to indicate Zaofu.

“Or dictators?” Su sighed.

“Heh. Hopefully not.” Lin smirked. “Is that why you’re out here?” she sat down on the bottom step of the pavilion stairs.

“No.” Su said firmly, joining her. She toed her own shoes off and stretched her legs out. “I just feel like I made such a mess of things, somewhere along the line.”

“Well, when you go round trusting ex-cons and harbouring criminals, it can blow up in your face a little bit. But y’know, you built this entire city. And you have a good husband and…” Lin paused “…four great kids.”

“And my sister?” Su asked.

“And an amazing sister.” Lin agreed.

Su nudged her. “I have a _late_ sister.”

“Is that a threat?” Lin elbowed her back.

“Ow. No. Why are you late anyway? I suppose something was happening in Republic City.”

“No.”

The curt answer made Su glance at her sister and was intrigued by the flush that even in the low light of the garden she could see on Lin’s cheeks. “Did you get lost or something? Take a wrong turn with the airship? I know you’ve only been here the once.”

“Well I’m here now! What else do you want from me?”

“A birthday present?” Judging by the sudden look of dread on Lin’s face, she hadn’t brought anything.

“Uhh…sure. What do you want?”

“Hmm.” Su stared at her sister, smiling. She leaned against Lin’s shoulder, very glad that she hadn’t turned up in her armour. “A hug.” She felt Lin’s shoulders drop as her sister sighed and almost fell sideways as Lin got up. She stared up at Lin, taking in for the first time the dark green, almost black jacket over emerald trousers. It wasn’t the same outfit she’d worn for Varrick’s wedding.

“Only if you take off whatever the flameo it is round your neck.” Lin seemed impatient as she reached down and tugged Su upright.

“If you insist.” Su supposed it wouldn’t be comfortable in a hug and removed it and placed it on the meteorite.

The hug was almost exactly as she remembered Lin’s hugs being. The awkward initial movement, the stiffness of the arms as they encircled her and then the sudden melting and warmth as she got squeezed tight. It’d always cheered her up, whenever Lin had hugged her when she’d come home from school, upset from being bullied. Mostly because she knew that Lin would go and enact some secret kind of justice that never got found out about but somehow made any problem she was facing stop.

She expected Lin to shift away at some point, was bracing herself for the loss of the comfort and was surprised when the hug just…continued.

“Uh. I have a present for you. Not the hug. Maybe it’s a present. You might not want it. The reason I was late is because there was some last minute things. To arrange. So. I can stay. For a bit.”

“WHAT?!” Su broke the hug herself to stare at Lin in shock, but judging by her sister’s embarrassed expression, it was a real offer.

“If it’s a problem, I can go back-“

“NO!” Su grabbed Lin’s arm as she waved it in the air. “You’re staying! Of course I want you to stay! For how long?”

“Not sure.” Lin gently tugged her arm free. “Kya wants to travel around the Earth Kingdom. Not helping people during a time of crisis this time. Just as a break. So. I thought I’d come with her. Obviously. But I don’t really like travelling. So.”

“You thought you’d stay with me. Well, of course! You’re both welcome to stay as long as you like. We have the space.” A thought struck Su. “I’m impressed. Kya finally managed to persuade you to take a vacation? Only took her, what, just under two years?”

“I’ll be taking some trips with her, but we were hoping this could be…”

“A base of operations?” Su laughed.

“A place to come back to, rest up for a while.” Lin finished.

“A home away from home?” The idea sobered Su, considering her musings before Lin had arrived.

“Yeah! Exactly.” Lin nodded. She tilted her head to one side, gazing at Su. “Uh. Is that okay? You’re…crying again. Is that a no?”

“Oh no! I was just touched that you’d think of Zaofu as a home.” Su waved away Lin’s concern. “It’s something I’ve been thinking about lately. Well. I should get back to the party.” Su draped her necklace round her neck again and moved to head back towards the dance hall but was pulled back by Lin.

“What did you mean? About thinking about Zaofu as a home?” Lin didn’t let go of Su’s arm, even when Su glowered at her.

Su relented, touched by Lin’s concern. “It’s been a struggle. This is my home but sometimes, I’m not sure it is anymore. It doesn’t feel like it used to.”

“Well. It got taken over right? It’s no longer your stronghold, your place of power, the one thing you can rely on and trust, because it got taken from you. So it could be taken again. You just don’t know. So it makes you on edge and you can’t get comfortable, you can’t relax.”

Su frowned at her sister. Lin was making sense but there seemed to be a layer beneath it, and it made her wonder what it was.

“Regaining that connection to it can take time. And it’ll never be the same connection that it was before, that unthinking natural connection. Because in the back of your mind it’ll always be there now. That time when it was broken.” Lin broke off. “Uh. What I mean is. It’s not even been two years right? You’ve only just finished sorting it out. It…might take a bit longer to rebuild it as a home as well. I wouldn’t give up on it. Just yet. Or something.” Lin shrugged, finally dropping Su’s arm.

“Wise and sage advice.” Su nodded. “Thank you Lin.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“You’ll have to tell me how you learnt that lesson. If you like.”

“Yeah. Maybe one day.”

“But we really should head back. I’d love to see Kya.” Su grinned at her sister. “Are you going to dance with her?”

“You know I can dance, right? It’s not going to be amusing for you to watch.”

“I’m smiling because it seems such a happy idea! Believe it or not, you being happy makes me happy. But you being a good dancer is wonderful news. Does that mean I might be able to persuade you to direct the dance troupe after all?” Su turned and walked backwards in front of Lin, clasping her hands together.

“Don’t push your luck.” Lin snorted.

**Author's Note:**

> *gazes at all the other WIPs* well I suppose one more won't matter *tosses it on the pile*


End file.
